Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children

​In this conversation, Debbie Reber speaks with Dr. Özgür Bolat about his book The Reward Trap and the hidden costs of using rewards to motivate children. Dr. Bolat explains that rewards may create short-term compliance, but they often undermine intrinsic motivation, self-esteem, and long-term confidence by teaching kids that love and approval are conditional on performance.

Drawing from his own experience as a highly accomplished student who became dependent on external validation, he argues that parents should shift from a control mindset to a connection mindset—asking what a child needs, helping them feel understood, and building internal motivation through effort, autonomy, and trust rather than prizes or pressure.

About Dr. Özgür Bolat

Dr. Özgür Bolat is a distinguished education scientist, researcher, associate professor, and author with a career spanning academia, media, and corporate partnerships. His groundbreaking research on parenting and teaching has earned him international recognition, including the prestigious Best Young Researcher award in New Zealand. He holds a master’s degree from Harvard Graduate School of Education (Fulbright and TEV scholar) and a PhD from the University of Cambridge.

During his doctoral studies, he spent one year as a visiting PhD student at MIT Sloan. His academic work has been complemented by a successful media career, where he served as a columnist for a major national newspaper for 12 years, establishing himself as a leading voice in education and parenting. Dr. Bolat is a highly sought-after keynote speaker and parenting workshop leader.

Things you'll learn from this episode

Why rewards and praise can create short-term compliance while undermining intrinsic motivation over time

How conditional praise and external validation can contribute to anxiety, perfectionism, and a sense that approval must be earned

Why behavior is often a signal of an unmet need rather than a lack of discipline

How shifting from a control mindset to a connection mindset changes the way we respond to our kids

Why focusing on effort rather than intelligence helps children build resilience and authentic motivation

How parents can nurture kids who are internally motivated, self-respecting, and connected rather than focused on obedience

Resources mentioned

Dr. Özgür Bolat’s website

The Reward Trap book website

The Reward Trap: Why Rewards Backfire and the Real Science of Motivation Kids by Dr. Özgür Bolat (on Amazon)

Alfie Kohn on Practicing Unconditional Parenting (Tilt Parenting podcast)

Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishment to Love and Reason by Alfie Kohn

Punished by Rewards: The Trouble with Gold Stars, Incentive Plans, A’s, Praise, and Other Bribes by Alfie Kohn

David Yeager on the Science of Motivating Young People (Tilt Parenting podcast)

Mindset: How We Can Learn to Fulfill Our Potential by Carol Dweck

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What if the reason you or your child can’t “just do the thing” is not laziness, but a Wall of Awful built from repeated frustration, shame, anxiety, and failure? Brendan Mahan breaks down the hidden emotional barrier behind procrastination, avoidance, and shutdown - and shows how to actually get through it without burning out.

Debbie Reber welcomes Brendan back to unpack his new book, Overcoming the Wall of Awful: Why It’s Hard to Get Things Done with ADHD, Autism and Anxiety, and How to Do Them Anyway. Together they make this deceptively simple metaphor concrete, useful, and surprisingly validating for parents, educators, clinicians, and anyone who has ever stared at a task and felt their brain go sideways.

About Brendan Mahan

Brendan Mahan, M.Ed., MS., is the author of Overcoming the Wall of Awful™, and host of the ADHD Essentials Podcast. A sought-after speaker, and neurodivergent person himself, Brendan helps organizations and individuals manage neurodiverse challenges through education, collaborative problem-solving, compassion, and accountability.

He is on the board of the Men’s ADHD Support Group, Director of Professional Resources for Calmer Con Boston, and a former committee member of the International Conference on ADHD. He has featured in the New York Times, Washington Post, LinkedIn, Understood, How to ADHD, VeryWell Mind, and ADDitude.

Things you'll learn from this episode

How the Wall of Awful creates an emotional barrier that can make starting or completing tasks feel impossible

Why anxiety and adrenaline can sometimes help us climb the Wall of Awful while also taking a toll

How creating “doors” in the Wall can provide quicker paths to regulation and getting unstuck

Why making tasks interesting, meaningful, or connected to personal values can reduce avoidance

How rejection sensitive dysphoria can add another layer to the Wall of Awful and how parents can support kids through it

Why having shared language and practical tools for talking about Walls of Awful can help kids better understand and navigate their experience

Resources mentioned

Brendan Mahan’s website

Overcoming the Wall of Awful: Why It’s Hard to Get Things Done with ADHD, Autism, and Anxiety (and How to Do Them Anyway) by Brendan Mahan

The Wall of Awful

Brendan’s ADHD Essentials Community on Facebook

ADHD Essentials on Instagram

Brendan Mahan on LinkedIn

ADHD Essentials on Blue Sky

ADHD Essentials on X

Jessica McCabe How to ADHD YouTube channel

Wall of Awful on How to ADHD (YouTube videos)

The Anti-Planner: How to Get Sh*t Done When You Don't Feel Like It - Undated ADHD Planner Alternative for Adults, Women & Teens, 100+ Productivity Strategies for Focus & Procrastination by Dani Donovan

Dani Donovan’s website

Dr. William Dodson


Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Joining me is Georgie Wisen-Vincent, an expert in play therapy and co-author, alongside Dr. Tina Payne Bryson, of the new book The Way of Play: Using Little Moments of Big Connection to Raise Kind and Confident Kids.

In today’s episode, Georgie shares insights from The Way of Play and explains why play is a universal language that helps kids express their feelings and navigate life’s challenges. We discuss how parents can intentionally use play to strengthen bonds, nurture sibling relationships, and reconnect after time apart. Georgie also offers practical strategies for engaging in play effectively, such as mirroring your child’s play to deepen connection and understanding. Plus, we explore how play isn’t just for kids—it’s a lifelong skill that can enhance relationships at every stage of life.



Things you'll learn

* Why play is a natural language that fosters social-emotional development, allowing children to express their feelings and process difficult experiences

* How parents can strengthen connections by intentionally setting aside time for play and becoming active observers rather than controllers

* How little moments of play can lead to big connections, helping to nurture sibling relationships and strengthen bonds after time apart

* How to engage in play effectively, mirroring our child’s play to enhance connection and understanding

* Why play is a lifelong skill that not only supports children’s growth but also enriches adult relationships and communication
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

​Today we’re talking about the complex and often misunderstood sleep challenges that show up in neurodivergent kids with Dr. Melisa Moore, a clinical psychologist who is board-certified in behavioral sleep medicine and has spent years supporting children, teens, and young adults with sleep and mood concerns. We’ll talk about some of the concepts in Melisa’s new book, The Good Sleep Guide for Neurodivergent Kids, including why sleep issues are so common in neurodivergent children, the role of underlying conditions like obstructive sleep apnea, how to recognize when something more than “typical” sleep struggles might be going on, and what kinds of support can actually make a difference. Melisa also shares practical strategies for improving sleep routines and helping kids—and their families—get the rest they need.

About Melisa Moore, PhD

Melisa Moore, PhD, is a clinical psychologist board-certified in behavioral sleep medicine. Dr. Moore currently practices in the Los Angeles area and virtually across the country, supporting children, teens, and young adults for a variety of sleep and mood issues. She also works for the Sleep Center at Rady Children’s Health, San Diego. Dr. Moore continues to supervise medical and psychology trainees and teaches courses on pediatric sleep around the world. She previously worked at the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia (CHOP) for 17 years, serving as the Psychosocial Director of the Sleep Center and as faculty of the University of Pennsylvania.

Inspired by her work with families in combination with her experience as a mom, Dr. Moore’s book The Good Sleep Guide for Neurodivergent Kids is a compassionate, comprehensive, science-backed guide to improving sleep in neurodiverse children and teens, released by New World Library on March 4, 2026.

Things you'll learn from this episode

How biology, genetics, and circadian rhythms shape sleep patterns in neurodivergent children

Why sleep challenges are so common in kids with ADHD and autism, and what’s driving them

How to recognize signs of obstructive sleep apnea and other underlying sleep disorders

Why co-occurring conditions like allergies or hypermobility can further disrupt sleep

How consistent routines and supportive sleep associations can improve bedtime success

When to seek professional support and what options are available for addressing complex sleep issues

Resources mentioned

Dr. Melisa Moore’s website

The Good Sleep Guide for Neurodivergent Kids: Science-Backed Strategies for Children and Teens with ADHD, Autism, and Other Neurodiversities by Melisa Moore, PhD

Alex Mortlock Explains Circadian Rhythm Syndromes & Complex Sleep Challenges (Tilt Parenting podcast)

Dr. Mel Houser on Navigating the Healthcare System as a Neurodivergent Person (Tilt Parenting podcast)

Dr. Zachary Rubin on What Every Parent Should Understand About Allergies (Tilt Parenting podcast)

Dr. Roberto Olivardia on ADHD and Sleep Challenges (Tilt Parenting podcast)

American Academy of Sleep Medicine (AASM)

Pediatric Sleep Council

National Sleep Foundation (NSF)


Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I wanted to explore this concept of interoception and differently wired kids more deeply for the show, so I reached out to Kelly Mahler, an occupational therapist who specializes in interoception and is a co-principal investigator in several research projects pertaining to topics such as interoception, self-regulation, trauma, and autism.

Kelly answered my big questions about interoception, including how it relates to sensory processing differences or SPD, why it’s essential that we help our children get to know their bodies’ unique language, and the relationship between ADHD, autism, and interoception. We also talked about what happens in our kids’ brains when they increase their interoceptive awareness, and effective strategies for helping our kids develop in this area.





Things you'll learn from this episode:

* What interoception is and how it relates to sensory processing differences

* What the spectrum of interoception awareness is and how extremes may manifest

* The relationship between ADHD, autism, and interoception challenges

* How to support a child with poor interoception awareness to become more tuned in to their body’s internal experience

* What happens in our brains when we start to increase our interoception awareness

* How to help older kids who’ve been on the receiving end of compliance-based strategies to reconnect with and trust their bodies
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices