The Art of Manliness

• The Power of the Notebook — The History and Practice of Thinking on Paper

  The idea for the Art of Manliness came to me 17 years ago as I was standing in the magazine section of a Borders bookstore. As inspiration struck, I took my Moleskine out of my pocket and jotted down some notes, like potential names — I considered things like “The Manly Arts” before settling on “The Art of Manliness” — categories of content, and initial article ideas. Almost two decades later, the fruits of those notebook jottings are still bearing out.That’s the power of a pocket pad’s possibilities, something Roland Allen explores in The Notebook: A History of Thinking on Paper. Today on the show, Roland traces the fascinating history of notebooks and how they went from a business technology for accounting to a creative technology for artists. We talk about how famous figures from Leonardo da Vinci to Theodore Roosevelt used notebooks, the different forms notebooks have taken from the Italian zibaldone to the friendship book to the modern bullet journal, and why keeping a personal diary has fallen out of favor. Along the way, we discuss ways you can fruitfully use notebooks today, and why, even in our digital age, they remain an irreplaceable tool for thinking and creativity.Resources Related to the PodcastAoM Article: 100 Ways to Use Your Pocket NotebookAoM Article: The Manly Tradition of the Pocket NotebookAoM Article: The Pocket Notebooks of 20 Famous MenAoM Podcast #194: The Field Notes of Theodore RooseveltAoM Article: The Right and Wrong Way to JournalAoM Article: Finally Understand How to Keep a Bullet JournalLeonardo da Vinci’s notebooksCharles Darwin’s notebooksJohn Locke’s Method for Commonplace BooksConnect With Roland AllenRoland’s website

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• The 80/80 Marriage — A New Model for a Happier, Stronger Relationship

  A lot of people go into marriage with a 50/50 mindset. Everything in the relationship — from tangible things like childcare and chores to intangible things like the effort and energy needed to keep the partnership going — is supposed to be divided equally.The 50/50 approach to relationships is all about fairness. And that seems sensible and rational.But, my guest says, it actually sabotages relational happiness.Nate Klemp is a former philosophy professor and the co-author, along with his wife, of The 80/80 Marriage: A New Model for a Happier, Stronger Relationship. Today on the show, Nate shares how cognitive biases skew our perception of our contributions to a relationship, what happens when couples get stuck in the 50/50 mindset of domestic scorekeeping, and how shifting to an 80/80 model of “radical generosity” can create an upward spiral of connection and appreciation. And we discuss practical ways to divide household responsibilities, decide how much time to spend with each spouse’s respective parents, and establish values that will guide your partnership as you navigate life changes and work towards a spirit of shared success.Resources Related to the PodcastAoM article and podcast on how to hold a weekly marriage meetingAoM Article: Towards a Philosophy of Household ManagementAoM Article: Beware the Tit for Tat TrapConnect With Nate Klemp80/80 Marriage websiteNate’s websiteNate on LinkedInNate on IG

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• Sleep Like a Caveman

  For several decades, people's reported sleep quality has declined. This, despite the fact that specially optimized sheets, mattresses, and sleep trackers have emerged during that time, and despite the fact that the amount of time people are sleeping hasn't decreased for over fifty years.In other words, people aren't sleeping less than they used to, but are less happy about their sleep than ever before.My guest would say that to improve our experience of sleep, we'd be better off looking past the reams of modern advice out there and back in time — way, way back in time.Today on the show, Dr. Merijn van de Laar, a recovering insomniac, sleep therapist, and the author of How toSleep Like a Caveman: Ancient Wisdom for a Better Night's Rest, will tell us how learning about our prehistoric ancestors' sleep can help us relax about our own. He explains that the behaviors we think of as sleep problems are actually normal, natural, and even adaptive. We talk about why hunter-gatherers actually sleep less than we think we need to, how their natural wake periods during the night might explain our own sleep patterns, the methods they use to get better sleep, and why our modern efforts to optimize sleep could be making it worse. Merijn shares when it's okay to use a smartphone before bed, the myth that you have to get eight hours of sleep a night, how to intentionally use sleep deprivation to improve your sleep, and more.Resources Related to the PodcastAoM Article: 22 Ways to Get a Better Night’s SleepAoM Article: What Every Man Should Know About SleepAoM Article: What to Do When You Can’t SleepAoM Article: The Importance of Building Your Daily Sleep PressureAoM Podcast #661: Get Better Sleep by Stressing About It LessAoM Podcast #736: Could Sleeping in Separate Beds Improve Your Relationship?Study: Hadza sleep biology — Evidence for flexible sleep-wake patterns in hunter-gatherersConnect With Merijn van de LaarMerijn's website

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• Familiarity Breeds Contempt (And Other Underappreciated Consequences of Digital Communication)

  There has been a lot of cultural discussion of the way digital technologies and social media contribute to things like political polarization and adolescent depression.But as I'll explore with Nicholas Carr, the author of Superbloom, our digital tools are also changing our ability to connect with others and our sense of self in less appreciated ways.Today on the show, Nicholas unpacks why the optimistic idea that more communication is always better hasn't panned out and how the speed and volume of modern communication is overwhelming our human capacity to process information and maintain meaningful relationships. We discuss why the "messiness" of pre-digital communication might have actually been better for us, how email has evolved from thoughtful letters to rushed messages, and why seeing more of people online often makes us like them less. Nicholas also explains why having different versions of ourselves for different contexts was actually healthy and the simple rubric for better managing our relationship with digital communication tools.Resources Related to the PodcastNicholas' previous appearances on the AoM podcast:Episode #276: Utopia is CreepyEpisode #632: How the Internet Makes Our Minds ShallowCharles Horton CooleyAoM Article: More Than Ever, the Medium Is the MessageConnect With Nicholas CarrNicholas' websiteNicholas' Substack, New Cartographies

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  53:38
• How to Use Leverage Points to Get Unstuck in Work and Life

  When people get stuck in their job or personal life, the common response is to either work harder or shrug and accept that "that's just the way things are."My guest today has a much better solution to getting moving and making progress again.Dan Heath is a bestselling author whose latest book is Reset: How to Change What's Not Working. Today on the show, Dan shares how to escape from ineffective systems and the inertia of continuing to do things the way they've always been done by pressing on leverage points — places where a little bit of effort yields disproportionate returns. Dan explains why you need "to go and see the work," why meaningful change requires "restacking resources," how short, focused "bursts" of effort often accomplish more than prolonged campaigns, how sometimes being inefficient can actually make us more effective, and more. Along the way, Dan shares plenty of stories and examples that illustrate how to implement these principles into your work, relationships, and family.Resources Related to the PodcastDan's previous appearance on the AoM podcast: Episode #591 — Solve Problems Before They Become ProblemsAoM Article: You Need a Reset DayAoM Podcast #896: The Art and Science of Getting UnstuckYouTube video: Spotify Engineering CultureConnect With Dan HeathDan's website

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