The Self-Driven Child

Let’s talk about a reality that many parents and teens face: handling disappointing standardized test scores. It’s a topic that stirs up all kinds of feelings—stress, doubt, frustration—and how we as parents respond makes all the difference. I share how common phrases, despite being well-intentioned, can unintentionally add pressure or shut down meaningful conversations. You’ll walk away with a better understanding of what to say to your teen when they’re disappointed and how to be that steady, supportive presence they need most. Whether it’s the PSAT, SAT, ACT, or any high-stakes test, your words matter and can make a world of difference in guiding them through it. Episode Highlights:[0:00] Introduction and why test scores stir deep emotions for both kids and parents.[3:15] Understanding the language of support: what to avoid and why.[6:00] “But you’re smarter than this”—how this phrase backfires and what to say instead.[10:20] Shifting from dismissive comments like “It’s just anxiety” to more validating responses.[13:45] The problem with labeling mistakes as “stupid” and how to reframe them as learning opportunities.[16:30] Why “I don’t care as long as you did your best” can feel like hidden pressure.[19:00] Building trust and resilience by being a non-judgmental, safe base for your teen. If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

In this continuation episode, I’m back with Dr. Bill Stixrud for part two of our discussion that digs into the realities of raising kids in high-pressure academic environments. We explore the subtle yet powerful concept of being a “non-anxious presence” as a parent and what that really means when guiding children through challenges. Bill and I touch on real stories from our practices and new strategies that emphasize motivation without pushing too hard—helping kids build resilience, autonomy, and self-confidence in a world brimming with expectations.  Episode Highlights:[0:00] Introduction to being a “non-anxious presence” and its impact on children.[2:00] The evolving understanding of managing kids' anxiety and why avoiding stressors doesn’t help.[5:30] A powerful story about test anxiety and breaking the cycle of fear-based motivation.[8:15] Why taking the long view on a child’s development can alleviate immediate parental stress.[10:45] The superhero analogy: overcoming struggles as a source of confidence and growth.[12:50] Fourth principle: motivating kids without trying to change them, exploring self-determination theory.[15:00] The SPACE program and supportive parenting techniques that work without direct intervention.[17:35] Real-life success stories from using supportive statements to build independence.[19:45] How motivational interviewing can shift conversations from conflict to collaboration.  If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

In this episode of The Self-Driven Child Podcast, I’m joined by the brilliant Dr. Bill Stixrud, co-author of The Self-Driven Child and What Do You Say? We dive into the challenges parents face around academic pressure, mental health, and helping kids find their way without being overwhelmed by stress. Bill shares powerful insights on why a sense of control is so essential to young people's mental well-being, and we explore practical strategies for fostering resilience, decision-making, and problem-solving skills in children.This episode is perfect for parents, educators, or anyone working with kids who wants to learn how to support them better without adding more pressure. If you're looking to understand how to motivate your kids without micromanaging or forcing change, you’ll love what we have to share. Tune in as we unpack the importance of being a “consultant” to your child and how building strong, empathetic connections can reduce stress and improve mental health. Episode Highlights:[00:00] – Introduction to the episode and discussing the importance of the parent consultant approach.[2:33] – The connection between academic pressure and adolescent mental health, and why it’s a global issue.[5:58] – Why a sense of control is key to mental health, and how we can foster that in our kids.[8:17] – How increasing a child’s sense of control improves both their learning and decision-making.[9:14] – Five key principles for parents to raise self-driven children, with connection being the foundation.[11:48] – Exploring the consultant approach: empowering kids to solve their own problems.[21:53] – How to reduce stress for both you and your child by changing the way you approach decisions.[24:31] – The power of letting kids make their own decisions and learn from their mistakes. Links & Resources:If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

In this episode, I sit down with Tim Donahue, a seasoned high school English teacher and a writer, to dive into the pressures of grade inflation, the impact on student resilience, and why kids today feel overwhelmed by academic and extracurricular demands. Tim’s unique perspective, drawn from years in the classroom and as a published writer, sheds light on how grade inflation and the drive for high grades may actually be compromising students' learning and mental health.Together, we explore how students and parents can navigate the academic landscape to foster genuine learning, creativity, and stress tolerance. Tim also shares his insights on the importance of doing less to achieve more, advocating for a balanced approach that prioritizes reflection and meaningful engagement over relentless achievement.  Episode Highlights:[04:12] - Discussing grade inflation and its effects on teaching, learning, and the integrity of feedback.[08:13] - The role of resilience in education and how students benefit from realistic feedback, even if it means lower grades.[12:00] - How inflated grades can deprive students of vital information about their strengths and weaknesses.[17:18] - Examining the disconnect between high school and college expectations, and the effect on students’ mental health.[23:37] - Tim’s passion for “less is more” and the importance of brevity and reflection in learning.[36:39] - The impact of recreational screen time on student well-being and the hidden benefits of spending time in nature.[43:27] - Finding peace and mindfulness through activities like raking leaves and the restorative power of nature. Links & Resources:https://www.nytimes.com/2020/03/25/opinion/coronavirus-scream.htmlhttps://www.wsj.com/arts-culture/television/what-high-schoolers-need-to-start-the-year-seinfeld-style-griping-cea5f83dhttps://www.nytimes.com/2023/10/23/opinion/grade-inflation-high-school.htmlhttps://www.nytimes.com/2024/09/07/opinion/high-school-students-free-time.htmlhttps://hechingerreport.org/teacher-voice-how-the-sad-shadow-of-book-banning-shuts-down-conversations-and-lacerates-librarians/https://www.easthamptonstar.com/guestwords-opinion/20211021/guestwords-consider-rakehttps://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26168472/  If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com