Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family

“Genuine humility never disturbs the soul.  Rather it is accompanied by peace, joy and calm” St. Theresa of Avila   Summary What is the biggest problem in Catholic marriages?  Although we appreciate good communication tools, marriage insights, and mentors - at the end of the day the biggest problem is simply a lack of holiness.  One essential tool in our quest for holiness is learning how to ask for forgiveness.  When we have conflict in our home, we all need to ask ourselves the question - what could I have done differently?  When we take ownership in this way, we can repent to God and then ask forgiveness of our spouse or children in order to repair that relationship.  Often we will focus only on our sins and try to amend our lives, but in addition to those good things, we also need to seek to reconcile the relationship and ask for forgiveness.     Key Takeaways When there is conflict in the home, we always need to ask ourselves how have I contributed to this situation and what could I have done differently?  Taking extreme ownership means that you don’t make excuses, but instead recognize that the past does not have power over you any more.  You always have a choice. When you are aware of your weakness, you are more open to asking for forgiveness and growing in holiness Asking forgiveness also repairs the rupture in the relationship that happens as a result of our actions. When you ask forgiveness and make your heart pure through Confession, then you are able to more clearly see God.  “The pure in heart shall see God” Matt 5:8 A daily examen should include asking for forgiveness of family members we have sinned against.     Couple Discussion Questions Reflect on your marriage and children and ask God to show you areas in which you need to change.  Go to your spouse and children and ask their forgiveness.  When can we do a daily examen in our household?  How can we incorporate regular asking of forgiveness? References: Dealing with Failure podcast:  MPF 140  Forgiveness MP 060  Forgiveness and Transformation MFP 165 Romans 12 Matthew 18:21-35 Guide to Parenthood:  Forgiveness in the Family

In this special Q&A episode, we dive into some of the most heartfelt questions from our listeners. From the complex question of whether to expand the family to grappling with grief, boundaries in marriage, and integrating elderly parents into a household, these issues strike at the core of family life. We also tackle how to balance the call to evangelize in a world that often conflicts with our values—especially when raising children in today’s cultural climate. Join us as we explore these tough topics with compassion, real-life insights, and guidance for finding peace, strength, and unity in family life amidst life’s many challenges. Couple Discussion Questions Expanding the Family: How do we each feel about the possibility of having more children, and what are our hopes or concerns? How can we respect and support each other’s feelings in this decision? Emotional Connection and Boundaries: Are there areas where we hold back in sharing our emotions? How can we create a safe space to be vulnerable and open with each other? Navigating Grief and Hard Times: How have we supported each other through past challenges, and what can we learn from those experiences to better support each other now? Integrating Family Generations: If we needed to bring an elderly family member into our home, what expectations and boundaries would help create harmony for everyone? Raising Kids with Faith in a Secular Culture: What are our biggest concerns about raising children in today’s world, and how do we feel called to engage with those who have different values while protecting our family’s faith?

“It’s important that we remember to talk ‘to’ our kids, not ‘at’ them” - Mark Hart   Summary Parents are rightly concerned today about the influence of the culture on their teens.  As much as we would like to put our kids in a teflon bubble to shield them from the false fake culture of the world, it is just not possible!  What do our kids need from us to prepare them for life?  Join us in this podcast for a conversation with Mark Hart of Lifeteen - a speaker, author, and parent himself of teens and adult children.  Mark gives us some great insights (and laughs!) on how to talk to your kids, what they are REALLY looking for, and what not to be afraid of.   We were blessed in this conversation and we are thrilled to be able to share it with you!    Key Takeaways Keeping teens in a “teflon” bubble and trying to shield them from the world their whole lives doesn’t work.  We need to teach them and get them ready. Kids need space to ask questions and have conversations with their parents without feeling judged.  Pushing back is a natural part of maturation.  Teens demand authenticity!  They challenge us to be real and that is good for us and for the Church.  Talk “to” your kids, not “at” them.  Significant conversations with our teens allow our lives to re-echo across the generations.  Take time for conversations.   For parents, the 20 minutes you spend focused on your child and not on yourself is as spiritually beneficial as a Holy Hour!  Parents should be less concerned with WHAT your child knows and more concerned about WHO is teaching them and where they are getting their information from God entrusted these souls to you for a season. They will not be living under your roof forever.  See your child as a whole person.  You need to spend time with them and really “see” them.   A successful home has three altars: the dinner table to share life and food, the coffee table to gather with family and friends for ideas and fun, and the marriage bed that forms the foundation of the family.  Parents often think of themselves as a hose that ideas and prayer comes through, but we need to be like a fountain - filled up so much in ourselves that we spill over onto our spouse, children, and everyone around us.    Couple Discussion Questions Do we take time to have significant conversations with our kids?  How can we do this more?  Looking at the maturity of our children, are we protecting them too  much?  Not enough?  How are we doing in using the “three altars” of our home?  Are all three of them places that are giving life to our family?    Links: Ascension press - Bible Heroes Register for the Family Board Meeting WWM On Demand course  Listener Survey  

It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop than in a mansion with a quarrelsome wife.  Proverbs 25:24 Summary All of us do things that annoy our spouse.  Occasionally, we do things that hurt our spouse and vice versa.  How do we communicate about these situations?  Is it effective to tell them what they have done wrong?  Is that what the scriptures tell us to do?  In this episode, we discuss what it means to take “extreme ownership” of our own actions and emotions before trying to “fix” your spouse.  We believe that the key to a strong marriage is finding how you can support each other on the road to heaven - and that means having the humility to see your own weaknesses first and embracing them.  Once you have sought forgiveness and healed the relationship, then a conversation about how things could have gone differently can be more productive.  Listen in to hear how you can move more intentionally towards unity through communication and forgiveness.  Key Takeaways Couples need to take the principles of “gentle parenting” and apply them to each other!  Skills like expressing empathy, giving guidance, and articulating feelings are all needed in marriage.  When you correct someone, you put yourself above them. This is appropriate in a parent/child relationship, or even a boss/employee relationship, but really not in marriage where you have two equals. We can help our spouses to be self-reflective about situations by asking questions that can help them think about what they wanted the outcome to be and what actually happened.    Couple Discussion Questions What can I do better to help you in areas that you want to grow in?   Who is challenging me?  Who do I look to as an example, as a mentor to progress in holiness?  How can my spouse help me?