Navigating Family Conflict Over NFP, Letting Go of a Love That Still Lingers, Finding Intimacy in a Celibate Marriage | ACW325
Questions answered this episode:
Dear Christopher and Wendy, thank you for all you do. For context, my husband and I are expecting a baby again for the third time in less than three years, despite our best efforts to practice NFP. I am exhausted and facing potentially serious health concerns. My parents have never understood our stance against contraception, despite being Catholic themselves, and have always tried to persuade us to use it. Things came to a nasty head recently when we announced our latest pregnancy, and we had a major fight. My father says Catholics are not bound by the teachings of Humanae Vitae and are thus free to practice contraception because it is not, quote, ex cathedra doctrine. How do I respond to this? My dad said some very hurtful things about my husband and me. I don't know what to do. I held my ground during the argument, but now I'm starting to doubt myself. Please help.
I'm a 20-year-old college student who truly started choosing Christ in my first year of college. In high school, I was in sinful relationships, but when attending a Catholic college, I wanted to stop that. Everything changed when I met a girl who inspired me to pursue sainthood, and I knew I needed to grow in virtue to date her. After seven months of waiting and growing, we began a Christ-centered relationship. But it ended after a month and a half when she chose to discern religious life. Two years later, I still struggle to move on. I've mistakenly entered other relationships hoping to forget her but constantly find myself thinking of her and comparing potential partners and even friends to her. Deep down, I don't want to let her go and feel drawn to reach out, remembering the Christ-filled joy our relationship brought to both of us. My question is, should I let go or should I pursue this relationship?
I've been married for 21 years. On our honeymoon, my husband suffered an injury that made sexual intercourse extremely difficult and eventually impossible for him. We have seen doctors for treatments that were unsuccessful and very embarrassing for my husband. In time, we realized it was not going to get better, and it hasn't. By God's grace, we were able to have one child, but marital relations between us have not been possible for over 17 years. My heart aches and longs for this affection from my husband, but I long ago accepted the fact that our marriage is celibate and always will be. In the early days, we fought about this all the time, mostly because he avoided physical contact with me so as not to arouse himself, and I felt very rejected. He's never really liked to talk about this as he finds it very difficult to share his emotions. I used to pressure him to talk, but I've learned that that just isn't his way. I've also learned to see the many other ways that my husband loves me through his acts of service and dedication to our family. He is a wonderful husband, and we love each other deeply. Our strongest connection is our Catholic faith. I experienced a very deep conversion back to my Catholic faith a few years after our marriage, and this has helped me to mature and grow a deep intimacy with God. Even though I have that intimacy with God, I still at times feel so very alone with this cross and have spent most of my marriage feeling as though my husband doesn't desire me, as if he doesn't miss the intimacy because he won't share his pain with me. I have recently begun reading a book, The Cantata of Love, a commentary on the Song of Songs. The imagery in the poem is so beautiful, and it has reawakened in me again the feelings of how much I miss my husband. This part of me I mostly shut down because it's too painful to keep revisiting those unmet desires. It feels a bit like, why torture yourself by reading this? At the same time, I realized that the poem is also an allegory of the love between the bridegroom and the bride, Jesus and my soul. I wonder if you have any experience with people in similar situations and what has helped them.
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